My final week has been eventful. When I'm not trashing KY and Bart in Smash Bros., I've been studying and writing papers, just trying to finish out the semester strong. In a few hours I've got my dad's final. I'm not too worried, seeing as I get an automatic A for being his son. It's written somewhere in the syllabus I think. Last Friday, I was duped into entering a 'consumption challenge.' I put that in quotations because although it was a consumption challenge, I was not fully informed on all of the details of said challenge. My dear friend Chad, desperate as he was, beat around the bush and got me to agree to this. Being a good friend, I was like, sure of course I will! After I had sworn with my own blood, Chad informed me that I would be eating 12 Blazing Buffalo Wild Wings. Hmm. I don't know how much you know about Buffalo Wild Wings, but it's one of my favorite places. I love me some wings dipped in ranch. I also like my wings to have a good kick to em' too. I usually order my wings with the Hot sauce on them. The Hot level is pretty darn hot. It will get your sinuses running. Now, for you inexperienced Wingers, Hot is three levels below the hottest sauce. After hot comes Mango Habeñero, Wild, and then Blazing. At this point, I get this surge of anxiety. Let's break this down.
1. I'm a man. I can't back down from this!
2. I'm part Cajun. Our kind like it hot. I've been raised on spicy crawfish and File Gumbo my entire life! How can I let the Cajun Nation down??
3. I already agreed... I'd feel bad backing out now...
So I kept my word. Last Friday, I entered the Campus Center, and ate me some wings. Wing number one went ok. I definitely felt the kick-- this was one hot sucker. But it didn't destroy my mouth like I expected. With more confidence, I picked up wing number two. Now I had a strategy for this prestigious competition, and it was pacing. To my left, Jason Lutterloh was just going to town. But soon enough, he was out for the count. I couldn't see how the rest of the competition was faring, but I knew I had this cat beat. Wings 3 and 4 went down, and all of the sudden my predicament became clear. Fellas, I was in for one spicy ride. The heat was intense. I could literally feel the heat rising off of them. I got a bad case of the hiccups, my bodies way of trying to bargain with me about what I was doing. My mouth still isn't on speaking terms with me, and my digestion system is plotting mutiny of a horrible kind. At this point, it was do or die. The longer I waited, the longer the pain would be. So I dove in. Wing after wing after wing. They were quite tasty. Around wing ten or eleven, I managed to get sauce in my nose, which was hell. Finally I got to wing 12 and devoured it like a voracious cheetah devours its prey. I stood up to see if I won and...... got second place. Damned Asian kid beat me. I really wasn't surprised though. Those Asians can eat like Ghengis Khan is on their ass. It's nuts. You ever watch Kobiyashi in the hot dog eating contest? Dude can put down over 50 hotdogs, and he only weighs like 110 pounds or something like that. This kid was probably his son or something. But I was proud of second place. I felt like I held the family honor high, and I also got a free meal out of it. But dear baby Jesus, my face was melting. I got to my room and washed the sauce off, and my face was just beet red. It looked I had just gotten the worst sunburn of my life. That night when I took a shower, the hot water reactivated all the heat on my face, and it lit on fire again! And the next morning.... I won't go into details, but I disintegrated the toilet. And all for the sake of friendship. See if I ever be a good friend again.
And now for a sneak preview:
COMING DECEMBER 13, THE 12 ROASTS OF CHRISTMAS!
JOIN ME AND GET THE INSIDE SCOOP ON SETH'S BANDANA, WHAT KELCIE BROOM REALLY WANTS FOR CHRISTMAS, AND MUCH MUCH MORE!
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